Saturday, November 6, 2010

Dad, a year later.

It's been a year since my dad died unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident. This time last year I was in Doylestown, PA, sitting at my parents' kitchen table after a last minute flight to Philly, reading my dad's will (he was a prepared guy like that) and sobbing. Feeling emotions that were totally new to me.

I got a little too nostalgic a couple times at work yesterday, just reading others' thoughts about him and browsing photos. Good thing I have an office so I could close the door for a couple minutes.

Friday and today, my whole family went out to Chinese food and visited our respective local temples in Denver (Jaime and me), Detroit (Daniel and Francesca), San Antonio (Jonathan and Andrea) and Manhattan (my mom and Ian). It's been great focusing on his legacy and all my memories. Some of my friends ask if I need to distract myself during this time so it won't be so hard. I don't think of it that way. If I made an effort to avoid the photos, the chinese, the memories and the talks about him, I would be missing out on all these feelings. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, most of the emotions are based in sadness, missing him, being sad for my mom and my 17 year old brother Ian who is still at home without his awesome dad. But it also helps me feel close to him. Remembering him and shedding a few tears, feeling a little wimpy and such, is much better than trying to avoid remembering him.

In a nutshell, I'm just grateful that I have a dad worth remembering so much. That's what it comes down to.

I miss him a lot. I haven't heard his voice in a long time. I don't have any videos of him, or saved voice mails or anything. My sister in law Francesca saved this last voice mail she got from him just over a year ago and she put it on her blog. Listening to it just now knocked me over. Thank you, Francesca. This might not mean much to you, but I'm embedding it here so I can get back to it easily. Even though this was just another phone call for him, the love in his voice captures who he was.
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The last song I wrote before finishing up my latest EP The Thin of Thick Things was "Mourning is Love." It's a simple but heartfelt representation of how I've felt over the last year. I chose a blues structure for obvious reasons, but overall, the message is positive. You can listen to it here:

2 comments:

apaglino said...

oh Eric. This was such a beautiful post. What an amazing voicemail from your dad. I have chills all over my arms. I can see where you get your sweet positive spirit from.

lj said...

I'm so glad I got to listen to this. Uncle Mark was my favorite, and I think anyone could see why. :)